A letter to my Z

March 18, 2010

Sweet baby boy of mine – you are a treasure and a miracle in a world broken.  You have filled my life with hope and while you were born this morning and I still have yet to meet you,  I already know you.  I felt you kick and grow within my womb.  I sang to you and whispered words of joy as I anticipated your arrival.  Weeks leading up to your big day were pretty easy; there were no signs that a storm was coming.  But this last week has been filled with sleepless nights and many questions unanswered.  There was lots of pain and sickness and no one could help.  Your sweet papa – he has been your mama’s biggest helper and very strong.  He loves you and has done everything he can to protect you.  When we came to the hospital  for the 5th day in a row today, they did all the proper tests and said you may be coming.  After some more tests it seemed you may need more time.  Back and forth, back and forth we went on what to do next.  The other doctors were preparing to send us home and then God stepped in.  Our doctor accidentally ran into us as I was walking down the hospital hallway and wanted to check us out himself.  He was the ONLY doctor in seven days to find THE answer. I was very sick and wouldn’t get better until they took you out.  It was a risky path and the scariest thing we have ever experienced but he worked hard to save our lives and he did.  This my baby boy is called a miracle.  If they had sent me home I am not sure we would be here today. I refuse to believe that this sequence of events happened haphazardly but rather God brought your story together and us to one another.  And while this is intense it is beautiful – an example that miracles do happen.   Even though I miss being the first one to hold you and kiss you I am grateful today that you were born and that I am here.  We will have many days for swaying and singing, for rocking and baby kisses. Happy Happy Birthday Zealand – you are a gift and a very special person.  May you know your story so that you can share it. We love you and will be thankful everyday.

It has taken me 5 years to write Zealand’s story.  I wanted to write it as a letter to him on the day he was born because I was too sick to see him the first 24 hours (my hope is that he can read this one day when he is old enough).  In greater detail, I had a condition called HELLPS.  It is a very rare and serious syndrome and in my case went unnoticed for too long.  I do not write this to bring attention upon myself but upon the beauty and power of this story.  We do not point fingers or feel that we were wronged in our care but are grateful as I described in my letter above.  Thanks for letting me share my heart  with you and for taking the time to read this. Big or small I believe miracles are happening everyday.


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  1. Thank you,”Daughter in Love”, for sharing this beautifully, terrifying, miraculous story of this precious little man’s arrival. We will never, ever, ever, forget the intense moments, hours, of this day..and the long days to follow. We are eternally grateful for God’s Mighty Hand of protection and miraculous intervention to provide for that baby boy and his beloved Mama. To observe our son as he celebrated the birth of his son, while grievously, passionately caring for and praying over you, was…. Heart wrenching. He is a man who loves you and his children beyond measure. And we love all of you. We are grateful.

  2. Annie, I love this! I too was a miracle birth. I grew up hearing my story retold to me. My parents instilled in me that God does incredible miracles and still does. 🙂 Thank you for sharing your story.

  3. Annie – What a beautiful, touching letter to your sweet little boy. You’re such a good mommy and Z is lucky to have such a strong lady in his corner. I remember this and am so thankful that this story has a happy ending. Love and hugs to you. Xo

  4. Annie, what an incredibly touching letter. What a lucky little man to have your for a momma also! I too have a miracle Z! Born nearly three months premature, his early days were painful and terrifying … and like you, much too raw to even put into words. Thank for sharing your story, and reminding us all of the faith and grace we are lucky enough to witness.

    1. Thanks so much for your sweet words Yvonne! What a story for your sweet one too – I appreciate your kindness!

  5. Annie, this is such a beautifully written letter to your baby boy. I’m sure one day when he is able to read this and understand he will already believe in miracles, because you are his miracle. You are such a great, loving and kind spirit. Praise God for stepping in and saving you and your child!

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