March 18, 2010
Sweet baby boy of mine – you are a treasure and a miracle in a world broken. You have filled my life with hope and while you were born this morning and I still have yet to meet you, I already know you. I felt you kick and grow within my womb. I sang to you and whispered words of joy as I anticipated your arrival. Weeks leading up to your big day were pretty easy; there were no signs that a storm was coming. But this last week has been filled with sleepless nights and many questions unanswered. There was lots of pain and sickness and no one could help. Your sweet papa – he has been your mama’s biggest helper and very strong. He loves you and has done everything he can to protect you. When we came to the hospital for the 5th day in a row today, they did all the proper tests and said you may be coming. After some more tests it seemed you may need more time. Back and forth, back and forth we went on what to do next. The other doctors were preparing to send us home and then God stepped in. Our doctor accidentally ran into us as I was walking down the hospital hallway and wanted to check us out himself. He was the ONLY doctor in seven days to find THE answer. I was very sick and wouldn’t get better until they took you out. It was a risky path and the scariest thing we have ever experienced but he worked hard to save our lives and he did. This my baby boy is called a miracle. If they had sent me home I am not sure we would be here today. I refuse to believe that this sequence of events happened haphazardly but rather God brought your story together and us to one another. And while this is intense it is beautiful – an example that miracles do happen. Even though I miss being the first one to hold you and kiss you I am grateful today that you were born and that I am here. We will have many days for swaying and singing, for rocking and baby kisses. Happy Happy Birthday Zealand – you are a gift and a very special person. May you know your story so that you can share it. We love you and will be thankful everyday.
It has taken me 5 years to write Zealand’s story. I wanted to write it as a letter to him on the day he was born because I was too sick to see him the first 24 hours (my hope is that he can read this one day when he is old enough). In greater detail, I had a condition called HELLPS. It is a very rare and serious syndrome and in my case went unnoticed for too long. I do not write this to bring attention upon myself but upon the beauty and power of this story. We do not point fingers or feel that we were wronged in our care but are grateful as I described in my letter above. Thanks for letting me share my heart with you and for taking the time to read this. Big or small I believe miracles are happening everyday.